Moving in the Right Direction

I’m getting a little frustrated by the fact that the only constant in my life is inconsistency. When last I commented, I was coming off a double leg infection, which led to more swelling in my lymphedemous (?) leg. Well, the antibiotics and topical steroid cleared things up and I got two weeks of as close to normal as I’ll get. Things were going well and life was reasonably normal.

And then I got a resurgence of both infections. So i had to stop wrapping my leg for a week while I got things evaluated. I got in to the dermatologist, who did biopsies of both sites, put me back on antibiotics and said I should start wrapping my leg again. She said the topical steroid would work better if the leg was wrapped. After a week of wrapping, my leg shrunk enough that I could get back into the compression stocking, which is a plus.

So here’s where I stand: I am using my compression stocking, my double infections seem to have cleared up, I should get the biopsy results this coming week, my interferon shots are progressing (though stabbing myself is not getting any easier), and I think I can start doing some kind of exercise. It seems like things are back on the recovery track, but I don’t have confidence they will continue this well.

I don’t think I’m depressed or anything, but I can’t say I’m feeling positive about my situation. There’s no way of knowing whether or not I’ll have any resurgence of melanoma. There’s no cure for my lymphedema. I have to stab myself three times a week until December. This has affected my job and my family, neither in a good way. Still, other people have it much worse. How can I feel upset about my situation when I see little kids with cancer? Or people needing blood transfusions while getting chemotherapy? Still, it’s hard to have a positive attitude, or recover from a bout of negative attitude. Hopefully, starting to exercise will help.

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